Today did not start out well.
At approximately 4:07 a.m., I was ripped from a perfectly good sleep by a smell so foul, so eye-wateringly offensive, that I was convinced something had crawled into our bedroom and died.
Skunk.
Nothing—and I mean nothing—gets me out of bed faster. Not even the unmistakable sound of a dog getting ready to throw up on the carpet.
I launched myself out of bed like my house was on fire.
My husband immediately started cursing while I attempted to quietly coax the guilty party out of our bedroom. Naturally, she acted like she’d never heard her name before. Whispering, “Come on…outside…good girl…” was apparently beneath her.
So there I was at four in the morning, trying not to gag, dragging a skunk-soaked dog by the collar while simultaneously attempting to not let her touch anything and avoid waking the nuggets.
Mission…mostly accomplished.
Then I stepped outside.
That’s when I spotted Dog #2—a German Shorthaired Pointer—doing full-speed zoomies around the yard like he’d just won the lottery.
The second he saw me, he came prancing over with the biggest dog grin you’ve ever seen.
It was at that exact moment I realized…
They had BOTH been sprayed.
Fantastic.
Thankfully, past experience has taught me that if you own dogs, you should also own industrial quantities of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and Dawn dish soap.
Two hours later I’d:
- Bathed both dogs. Twice.
- Shampooed the carpet.
- Started enough laundry to keep my washing machine employed through next Tuesday.
- Questioned every life decision that led me to this moment.
For anyone who needs it, this magical concoction really does work on dogs:
- 1 quart 3% hydrogen peroxide
- ¼ cup baking soda
- 4 tablespoons Dawn dish soap
The dogs? Smell about 95% better.
The house?
The house currently smells like someone tried to cover skunk with “Fresh Linen” and sadness.
Unfortunately, this isn’t our first encounter with Pepe Le Pew. It’s been about two years since the last incident, which was apparently long enough for me to forget just how aggressively a skunk can invade every fabric, wall, and molecule of air in your home.
I already know what’s coming.
For the next couple of weeks I’ll convince myself I no longer smell like skunk…right up until I walk into work and watch every client’s nostrils flare.
I’ll apologize.
They’ll politely tell me they don’t smell anything.
We’ll all know they’re lying.
Meanwhile, my husband will remind me approximately every seventeen minutes that the house still smells. Thankfully he’s at work until 8:00 tonight, so I’m currently enjoying what I’m calling The Peace Before the Complaining.
In a desperate attempt to speed things along, I’ve placed bowls of baking soda and mugs of vinegar throughout the house. I’m also spraying Febreze with the confidence of someone who refuses to accept reality.
Is it helping?
Absolutely not.
But it makes me feel like I’m contributing.
So if you’re a pet owner, let this be your public service announcement: keep hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and Dawn dish soap stocked at all times. You hope you’ll never need it…
…but if your dogs ever decide to pick a fight with the neighborhood skunk, you’ll be thanking your past self.
As for the rest of today, I’ve decided I’m not letting Eau de Skunk ruin it. We’re heading to the bowling alley (thank goodness for the Kids Bowl Free summer program), followed by the aquatic center.
If you happen to smell someone at the bowling alley who seems to be followed by a faint aroma of woodland regret…
Come say hi.
It’s probably me.